Over the years people have asked me on guidelines for getting married. I am not one to give some simplified formula, especially if it does not resonate from the pages of scripture. However, I have some practical, biblically based guidelines that both parents can instill in their kids early on and singles can set before themselves as a compass for navigating the difficult task of finding a mate. I have culled it down to six questions or convictions that we should stand firm on when considering picking a life partner.
I. Are both born-again growing Christians? This is the deal breaker and you might as well get it over with….anyone who names the name of Christ as Lord and Savior knows that it is imperative to date and marry only born again Christians. I say “date” as well – because dating is for determining mate (d-mate….DATE) why would you open your heart up to someone that you have NO INTENTION or possibly could marry without being in complete defiance with the Lord.
II. Can they keep sexually pure? It is crucial for every person considering marriage to prove that they can control their passions and desires and keep themselves from sexual sin. If you can’t – do you think marriage will make it so? Forget it!
III. Is there true parental support and harmony in their home? Do your mom and dad say this would be a good thing? The fact is you should care what mom and dad think – not just that they are “paying for the wedding” but that approve of the marriage!
IV. Do both have quality relationships and friendship especially with those of the same gender? Anyone who does not have a wide range and solid friendships worries me!! Sorry – loners are loners for a reason. Equally concerning is when a couple is completely isolated from other people….marriage at its core is the ability to have a healthy, growing friendship with others.
V. Is the timing right or is it better to wait? Anyone who can not discern that certain times for getting married would be harmful for the marriage is not ready to get married. Sometimes it is very important for the health of your marriage that you wait some period of time. Putting a wedding or even engagement for a period of time may be just what the doctor is ordering. Taking that wise counsel is crucial in determining your marital readiness.
VI. Are both committed to the permanency of marriage? Are you ready to say that “I am getting married once!” NO DO OVERS!! If you believe that divorce is an option – don’t get married!
Over the years I have watch how these guidelines have made a tremendous difference in young people’s lives and in the home as parents take a stand on what they believe is there task of preparing their child for marriage!